When are we getting the next one?
When is your son getting a brother or sister?
These are the questions I have been getting for the last 6 years and my son is 7 years old ! Firs let me
just say these inappropriate questions really need to stop!
My Husband and I have an 8-year age difference and when we got our son, I was 23! I just had
graduated, and I had a plan. But clearly, we plan God laughs. 3 Months into my first Job I realized I
was pregnant- and this was not in the plan. Soon, all that had a scent made me feel like throwing up.
After my 6-month Probation, I quit, moved in with the father of my child and joined him in his travel
agency business til I gave birth.
Baby on the way and broke , I was incredibly stressed and to put Icing on the Cake, my dad
committed suicide when my baby was 3 months old. I was already battling postpartum depression as
it was and now, I had to grieve. I could not produce milk anymore and had to turn to formular milk. My mother-in-law was not much of help because she did not approve of me. Soon after the funeral, I had to make a tough choice to
go back to work.
My husband at this point has his life back on track, like nothing has happened. The late night out, the
drinking and all things you could think of So clearly, I was flying solo. Tradition was not much oof
help as people from my tribe believe if we are not married and I live in my Parents in law’s
compound, my family could not visit.
So now, I fall into real depression! God came through for me and got a job. I had to forget my fancy
First Class Honours Degree and became a receptionist at a Brothel! It was quite a learning curve for
me. Barely 6 months after it closed and I was jobless again, but God yet again came through for me
and I got a Marketing Executive job at a trave agency.
At the end of the month, my pay cheque was half of what we agreed upon and I had to commute for
about 4 hours to-and-fro daily. I would leave my house on a daily. I would leave so early that I left
my baby asleep and came back so late he was asleep. This got me into so much depression one day I
just quit. It was not worth it. I remember walking home because I did not have any money. My
husband scolded me in his drunkenness you would have though I was a naughty toddler that took
the car for a joy ride. His argument, I remember so clearly was that he would now have to take care
of all the bills.
Again, God, came through for me barely a month after quitting and I got an amazing job. I got to be a
Content Manager and Editor for of the biggest Entertainment Magazines in the country. I rubbed
shoulders with the who is who and finally, started getting out of depression. I got to interact with
people my age and learnt how to survive this harsh world. I got to provide for my son and what was
so great about this job is, I got time to spend with my son.
6 years later, the first case on COVID -19 was announced and my husband calls me and tells me how
his business just got a major hit. Tourists Cancelling left right and centre. That Friday evening, I went
home not knowing it was my last day at the office. We went into quarantine and lockdowns were
imposed by the government. I became the bread winner in the house with working from home.
My husband’s drinking habits did not change; in fact, they became worse. Like the good wife I am
expected to be I would sit and wait for him to get home after curfew hours. Upset as I was, I would pray for his protection. Why because part of me still loves him and part of me would not want to end
up a single mum.
In March, of the same year, he comes home drunk, and his phone was buzzing! So, in the morning I
really had to see why I could not sleep. I found out he was cheating on me not one but multiple. I
was distraught and when I confronted him. Let us just say I would not be writing this article. I run,
literally, and involve his parents and sisters. He confessed he was tired of me and I could not stand
me anymore and he wanted a divorce.
To everyone’s surprise, I stood and said fine . He can leave if that is what he wants. All I want is
everyone to know that I am not moving, and I am keeping the child. I did not fight because I wanted
to see how far this would go. On that night I got countless phone calls from his friends asking me to
take him back and my standard answer was, it is impossible to take someone back yet he chose to
leave!
He tried calling me and I blocked him, just like he used t do me when he was out ! Talk about having
a dose of your own medicine. So, I was called in by my mom and both his parents and he came back
home. Hoping things will be different. Shock on my black behind! Things did not change soon he was
out again, this time later than usual.
The truth is I did not care anymore! I paid the bills, rent and all….. So now here comes my 30th
Birthday. Ever seen this Meme, the birthday parties I throw verses the ones I get?
On the eve of my 30th Birthday, he comes home with a bleeding face. My son sees him, and he
became really upset. I was able to calm him down and that night, I moved out of the bedroom and
started sleeping on the couch.
Yeey! I am now 30! I took my son out for breakfast and had a great day out there. When I came
home, It felt like going into a battlefield. Not knowing what was going to happen next…… As always, I
heard the scripted apology and because of my child I moved back to the bedroom.
He promised he was done drinking and all and I honesty did not believe anything he had said at this
point. I mean what a memory for a milestone age! Things did not get any better financially for him
and I had to step up even more….
At this point my goals became, to keep the lights on food on the table, pay rent on time and that’s it!
In the second part, I will share about what happened to my dreams, goals, expectations and what
happens when my husband wants a second baby.
Did I mention he is yet to ask me to be his wife officially?