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working mom

My Husband Wants Another Baby

When are we getting the next one?



When is your son getting a brother or sister?

These are the questions I have been getting for the last 6 years and my son is 7 years old ! Firs let me

just say these inappropriate questions really need to stop!

My Husband and I have an 8-year age difference and when we got our son, I was 23! I just had

graduated, and I had a plan. But clearly, we plan God laughs. 3 Months into my first Job I realized I

was pregnant- and this was not in the plan. Soon, all that had a scent made me feel like throwing up.

After my 6-month Probation, I quit, moved in with the father of my child and joined him in his travel

agency business til I gave birth.



Baby on the way and broke , I was incredibly stressed and to put Icing on the Cake, my dad

committed suicide when my baby was 3 months old. I was already battling postpartum depression as

it was and now, I had to grieve. I could not produce milk anymore and had to turn to formular milk. My mother-in-law was not much of help because she did not approve of me. Soon after the funeral, I had to make a tough choice to

go back to work.

My husband at this point has his life back on track, like nothing has happened. The late night out, the

drinking and all things you could think of So clearly, I was flying solo. Tradition was not much oof

help as people from my tribe believe if we are not married and I live in my Parents in law’s

compound, my family could not visit.



So now, I fall into real depression! God came through for me and got a job. I had to forget my fancy

First Class Honours Degree and became a receptionist at a Brothel! It was quite a learning curve for

me. Barely 6 months after it closed and I was jobless again, but God yet again came through for me

and I got a Marketing Executive job at a trave agency.



At the end of the month, my pay cheque was half of what we agreed upon and I had to commute for

about 4 hours to-and-fro daily. I would leave my house on a daily. I would leave so early that I left

my baby asleep and came back so late he was asleep. This got me into so much depression one day I

just quit. It was not worth it. I remember walking home because I did not have any money. My

husband scolded me in his drunkenness you would have though I was a naughty toddler that took

the car for a joy ride. His argument, I remember so clearly was that he would now have to take care

of all the bills.



Again, God, came through for me barely a month after quitting and I got an amazing job. I got to be a

Content Manager and Editor for of the biggest Entertainment Magazines in the country. I rubbed

shoulders with the who is who and finally, started getting out of depression. I got to interact with

people my age and learnt how to survive this harsh world. I got to provide for my son and what was

so great about this job is, I got time to spend with my son.



6 years later, the first case on COVID -19 was announced and my husband calls me and tells me how

his business just got a major hit. Tourists Cancelling left right and centre. That Friday evening, I went

home not knowing it was my last day at the office. We went into quarantine and lockdowns were

imposed by the government. I became the bread winner in the house with working from home.

My husband’s drinking habits did not change; in fact, they became worse. Like the good wife I am

expected to be I would sit and wait for him to get home after curfew hours. Upset as I was, I would pray for his protection. Why because part of me still loves him and part of me would not want to end

up a single mum.

In March, of the same year, he comes home drunk, and his phone was buzzing! So, in the morning I

really had to see why I could not sleep. I found out he was cheating on me not one but multiple. I

was distraught and when I confronted him. Let us just say I would not be writing this article. I run,

literally, and involve his parents and sisters. He confessed he was tired of me and I could not stand

me anymore and he wanted a divorce.

To everyone’s surprise, I stood and said fine . He can leave if that is what he wants. All I want is

everyone to know that I am not moving, and I am keeping the child. I did not fight because I wanted

to see how far this would go. On that night I got countless phone calls from his friends asking me to

take him back and my standard answer was, it is impossible to take someone back yet he chose to

leave!

He tried calling me and I blocked him, just like he used t do me when he was out ! Talk about having

a dose of your own medicine. So, I was called in by my mom and both his parents and he came back

home. Hoping things will be different. Shock on my black behind! Things did not change soon he was

out again, this time later than usual.

The truth is I did not care anymore! I paid the bills, rent and all….. So now here comes my 30th

Birthday. Ever seen this Meme, the birthday parties I throw verses the ones I get?

On the eve of my 30th Birthday, he comes home with a bleeding face. My son sees him, and he

became really upset. I was able to calm him down and that night, I moved out of the bedroom and

started sleeping on the couch.

Yeey! I am now 30! I took my son out for breakfast and had a great day out there. When I came

home, It felt like going into a battlefield. Not knowing what was going to happen next…… As always, I

heard the scripted apology and because of my child I moved back to the bedroom.

He promised he was done drinking and all and I honesty did not believe anything he had said at this

point. I mean what a memory for a milestone age! Things did not get any better financially for him

and I had to step up even more….

At this point my goals became, to keep the lights on food on the table, pay rent on time and that’s it!

In the second part, I will share about what happened to my dreams, goals, expectations and what

happens when my husband wants a second baby.

Did I mention he is yet to ask me to be his wife officially?

5 Things Parents Should Consider Before Making That Entrepreneurial Leap

It’s not unusual to dream of a more flexible career, especially if you are a working mom or dad .

When you’re spending your days running around after a boss you don’t really like, it’s easy to get caught up in a fantasy of working on your own terms.

If you’re bold enough, you’ll quit your job and start pursuing your passions in a business that appeals to your needs. Of course, this means embracing a huge shift in the way you work.

Also, if you have a family, things like health insurance and a steady income are considerations.

If you’re concerned about the journey into entrepreneurship, and whether it is worth it given your family concerns and needs,  you want to make sure that you’re starting out on the right foot, the following tips might be able to help.

They’re not going to take all of the stress out of your entrepreneurial career, but they can make sure that you have the right strategy and attitude in place to facilitate success.

1. Make sure you have the right attitude

There are plenty of things that can alter your chances of success when you decide to become an entrepreneur. For instance, you’re going to need skill, knowledge of your chosen niche, and plenty of talent to guide you as you take your first steps. However, everyone in the business field has these traits. If you want to set yourself apart, then you’ll need something extra – the right attitude.

Having the right approach to entrepreneurship doesn’t require any additional investment or hard work. Instead, it’s about maintaining that can-do spirit even when the going gets tough. Your business will go through ups and downs, it’s up to you to weather the storm.

2. Work smarter, not harder

Becoming an entrepreneur is a challenge. You get to pick your own hours and potentially make more money, but at the same time you’ll have to expect longer work days and more stress. A good way to make sure that the additional pressure of running a business doesn’t overwhelm you is to focus on working “smart” instead of working hard.

As an entrepreneur, you don’t need to do everything alone. You can delegate tasks to other people on your team – even if all you want to do is free up some spare time to get outside with the kids. It’s all about finding the right balance between work and life.

3. Stop looking for shortcuts

Sometimes, when you’re exhausted by the concept of running your business, it’s tempting to look for quick solutions to complex problems. Unfortunately, there’s no magic route to success that allows you to overcome all of the headaches and struggle and accomplish great profits immediately.

While you can use technology, tools, and the support of your team to make running your business easier, you’ll also have to dedicate yourself to some hard work too. You can’t expect to pay for one marketing campaign and instantly see thousands of sales. Give things time, stay patient, and keep grinding.

4. Maintain your motivation

Motivation will always be a key factor in running a successful business. It’s this feeling that keeps you pushing forward even when the going gets tough and you’re struggling to make ends meet. The good news is that there are plenty of places you can go for motivation when you start to struggle. For instance, why not follow some inspirational entrepreneurs on Twitter or Facebook?

Sue Bhatia uses her twitter account to share her entrepreneurial journey with her Pfollowers, as well as tips and tricks on how to succeed in business. Following someone like this can give you the insight you need when things are feeling more challenging or overwhelming than usual.

5. Create a network of important connections

Finally, when it comes to running a successful business, who you know can be just as important as what you know. Networking is a critical component of running a company, and it takes a lot more than simply stocking up on LinkedIn connections and Twitter followers. You need to be willing to get out there, attend events, and conference with people.

The objective of a great networking experience isn’t to try and gather as many business cards for your wallet as possible. It’s about making quality connections with people who might be able to help your business grow or assist you in ensuring you stand out against the competition.

Starting your entrepreneurial journey

Starting on your path as a business owner won’t always be an easy experience, but it can come with plenty of benefits. If you can find the right motivation and attitude to keep you going, you could find yourself with a valuable business that lets you follow your dreams and make your passions a reality.

True Fact: When Working Moms Try to Have it All, They Sometimes Break Down

workingmom

Katrina Alcorn was a success working mother of three at a tech firm but increasingly found herself unable to handle the demands of trying to have it all. She had a reliable spouse, healthy kids, and a great job but having to juggle day care, demanding clients, sick kids and business trips was also daunting. Then one day, a co-worker walked in on her while she was pumping breast milk. On another occasion, a male employee sent out a company-wide email complaining about being grossed out by her “bodily fluids” being in the office fridge.

Then the panic attacks began.  They led to anxiety and depression over her inability to cope, balance and “lean in” all at the same time. But she felt guilty about complaining. After all, it was a privilege to be a working mom, right?

When women demand wanting the career and family,  there are the voices out there that say having kids is a luxury of the rich.  This same chorus claims that women should be able to stay at home with their children or hire help, and if they ask for anything like sanity, self-care and wellness, then that is pure “entitlement”.

Alcorn lost it. She suffered a nervous breakdown while driving to Target to buy diapers. The San Francisco Bay area mom eventually quit her job, spent a year decompressing and lived off of savings. When she emerged healthier and more mentally stable, she penned the book about the ugly secret of the working mom.

Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink” tells working moms three things:  You’re not alone. It’s not your fault. And it doesn’t have to be this way.

“We’re expected to do our jobs as if we don’t have children — and then raise our children as if we don’t have jobs,” Alcorn told The Week. “If you think about the model of the ideal mother, it’s the person who sacrifices everything for her child. The ideal worker is someone who can drop everything and go on a business trip at a moment’s notice, and who can stay late — not leave at 5 o’clock to pick up kids. So if you’re trying to be both, then you are faking it.”

Alcorn offers tips in her book and on her blog, WorkingMomsBreak.com.

She admitted getting frustrated by the trolls that come out when ever she writes about balance.

“As soon as anyone talks about motherhood being difficult or society having an obligation to mothers, the trolls come out en masse…and it makes me realize how much we need to talk about this,” she  added.  “I actually had a lot of advantages…the point is that if I couldn’t make it work, imagine what it’s like for single parents, or people living paycheck to paycheck!”

True that. And as many know, even “Lean In” author Sheryl Sandberg had to walk back her own advice in her book after husband passed away and she realized herself first hand that not having a spouse makes all that “leaning in” extra difficult.

It’s not as easy as they all say, so we really need to give moms a break!

h/t The Week

 

30 Best blogs for the Working Mom

Balancing the demands of a career and a growing family is no small feat, but it’s one that the modern American mother juggles every day. Managing the daily responsibilities of getting children to and from their various activities, providing them with the attention and affection that they need, nurturing your marriage, and still contributing to the family’s finances by holding down a job requires a large measure of patience and a solid support system. For more and more women, the backbone of that support system is made up of the global village created by the Internet. Blogs that cater to working mothers make up quite a large corner of the blogosphere, and these 30 entries exemplify the advice and help that they offer.
Management
If there’s one thing that working moms never seem to have enough of, it’s time. These five blog entries offer helpful hints for managing and making the most out of the limited amount of time you’re allotted each day.
Quick Weeknight Meals
After a long day at work, the last thing that most working mothers want to do is tackle an elaborate, gourmet dinner. These blog entries showcase the best in quick, simple, kid-friendly cuisine for those nights when homework help and overtime at the office collide.
Making the Most of Family Time
Between school, your spouse’s career, and your own work, finding time to spend together as a family isn’t always easy. Ensuring that you make the most of the time you do have available to spend together is a priority for many working parents, and is where these five blog posts shine.
Dealing with Nanny Envy
Working parents struggle, sometimes for weeks, to find the ideal nanny for their family. When nannies prove to be a less-than-perfect fit, it’s a disappointment. When she’s so wonderful that everyone in the family adores her, it can feel like less of a triumph and more of a cause for private jealousy. Fears that your children will love their nanny more than they love you and feelings of envy towards the nanny who’s paid to stay home with your beloved little ones all day are perfectly natural, albeit painful, parts of being a working mother. These five blog posts tackle nanny envy, and offer working mothers some support.
Guilt and the Working Mother
Despite the fact that you’re working to provide for your children and help them have the best possible quality of life, guilt over leaving them in the care of strangers can begin to creep in and haunt even the strongest moms. These bloggers understand that guilt, and discuss it candidly in their blog entries.
Breastfeeding after Returning to Work
Under section 4207 of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, employers must provide breastfeeding mothers with a reasonable amount of break time and a private place, other than a restroom, to pump or express breast milk for a full year after the birth of their child. Because breast milk is the best possible source of nutrition for infants, it’s important that working mothers have the support they need to continue breastfeeding after returning to work. These five blog posts help the breastfeeding, working mom learn the best ways to manage nursing after her maternity leave ends.

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