Adele says the severe postpartum depression she suffered after giving birth to her son Angelo has turned her off from getting pregnant again.
In the upcoming December issue of Vanity Fair, the phenom reveals that her PPD was so bad she is not sure if she can go through it again with partner Simon Konecki.
“I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me,” she says, adding that in lieu of taking medication or talking with a professional to help her cope, she took consult from other moms.
“My boyfriend said I should talk to other women who were pregnant, and I said, ‘Fk that, I ain’t hanging around with a fking bunch of mothers (sic)’,” she tells the publication. “Then, without realising it, I was gravitating towards pregnant women and other women with children, because I found they’re a bit more patient. You’ll be talking to someone, but you’re not really listening, because you’re so f**king tired.”
But while her non-mom friends didn’t get it, her friends with kids totally did.
“My friends who didn’t have kids would get annoyed with me,” she continues. “Whereas I knew I could just sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and we wouldn’t judge each other. One day I said to a friend, ‘I fking hate this,’ and she just burst into tears and said, ‘I fking hate this, too.’ And it was done. It lifted.”
She added that she had a tough time self-diagnosing her condition because she wasn’t educated as to what it is.
“My knowledge of postpartum-or post-natal, as we call it in England, is that you don’t want to be with your child; you’re worried you might hurt your child; you’re worried you weren’t doing a good job,” she explains. “But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I’d made the worst decision of my life… It can come in many different forms.”
She confided that spending time alone helped.
“I just said, I’m going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the f**k I want without my baby,” she says. “A friend of mine said, ‘Really? Don’t you feel bad?’ I said, ‘I do, but not as bad as I’d feel if I didn’t do it.’ Four of my friends felt the same way I did, and everyone was too embarrassed to talk about it; they thought everyone would think they were a bad mom, and it’s not the case. It makes you a better mom if you give yourself a better time.”
Read the complete interview in Vanity Fair on newsstands Tuesday, November 8.