Earlier, this year Buzzfeed assembled some tips from marriage counselers and relationship coaches on how to fight and argue fair for the betterment of your relationship.
The fun news site curated close to 20 tips but these 7 stood out to me personally, and here is why:
1. Sit on a comfy couch if you want to negotiate. Now Buzzfeed cited scientific research about arguing while sitting on hard surfaces but I see it as a good way to set up the situation (read: fight) as a temporary one.
Before the tense flare up and anxious moments and the accusations fly, get comfortable as in “we’re not going anywhere” this is just a blip in the radar of our relationship.
2. Start conversations with “I” instead of “you.” I can dig it. No one wants to be accused of stuff and what you intend to put out is not what always received on the other end. So many blow ups are over miscommunication and misinterpreted intentions. Own your feelings and put it out there early to indicate to the other person that this is how what they say or do comes off to you. This works for me!
3. Take an adult time-out, but with a set amount of time. I’ve been here. My husband is the one who usually would want to take a short time for fresh air and to take a breather out of the room or home during minor spats. I, on the other hand, want to hammer it out untik it’s resolved and then move on. The timer method I think accommodates both types of people in a relationship: “the cool-offers” and the “let’s finish this-ers.” It accommodates time off but not indefinitely which is stressful thing too.
4. In an argument, put your hand on your heart. We can never underestimate the importance of physical cues when communicating. And I agree that this physical gesture could indeed help neutralize a heated discussion or stop one from escalating.
5. Work out or run together to release anger safely. Both my husband and I are runners. He isn’t much of one now that he has had a couple of ACL surgeries after years of playing weekend warrior soccer. We also work out together occasionally. The adrenaline and endorphin outpour certainly can disrupt energy that would have been put into a verbal brawl with your partner. It’s the pre-fight version of the post fight make up sex! Ha!
6. Hold hands before a big talk. This physical simple embrace could indeed be THE best way to go into a discussion with the intent of being united on the end especially given that most couple spats are over mundane and irrelevant crap that one or both obsess over and just cannot get over. They’re often not that serious.
7. Don’t vent to friends about your partner until you have made some headway in the argument. You always see people on social media sharing memes and updating their statuses with “subliminal” messages intended for someone in particular.
Couples also over share with friends as well. It’s a bad setup because, as I stated before, a lot of the small spats are minor but if you vent to social media or your friends all the time, you’re setting up your partner to be seen as the bad guy or girl when it may not be deserved.
Also, it’s a set up for toxicity and bad vibes to be projected onto your relationship from others who have no business being involved in the first place.
Anyway, those are my interpretations of the best tips, Read the entire post and the rest here!