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mommy wars

Forget Mommy Wars, What About the Parents v. NonParents Battles?


So a lot of people have heard of the “mommy wars.” You know, they are the various philosophical battles women who are parents have with other women over which personal decision on pregnancy and child rearing is best.

You have the Breastfeeding moms versus formula feeders. The moms who make you feel guilty if you choose to send your baby off to the nursery after delivering versus keep the baby with you in your room and “Room in”.

There “Attachment parenting” versus “free-range parenting” and Cry-it-out sleep method of getting a baby to put themselves to sleep  versus the cry interventionist method.

There are those moms (like I was) who looked down on women who used baby carriers versus wear slings which I think are better for a baby’s spine. Helicopter parents battle  Montessori like parents. Work-at-home tackle Stay-At-Home who take on Working moms.

And so on and so on….

But even as moms battle amongst themselves, they are united in dealing with critics and pushback from the non-parents out there, many who are are resentful of parents for getting scores of child and child care tax breaks that non-parents cannot take, getting to call off from work for a variety of child-related causes, leaving non-parents to pick up the slack, and generally over the fact that society is centered around parents, and is most supportive of the needs of the parenting community.

In return, there are some parents, on the other hand, who feel non-parents have little empathy or patience for the sacrifices they make raising the next generation of humans.

They also feel there is a lack of understanding or willingness to take into consideration that our choices are different than there’s.

Equally, they are resentful of the “population controllers” who argue that the world is already overpopulated.

It’s easy to get caught up on our individual causes and beliefs and to lose sight of how sanctimonious, disconnected and generally, “douchey” we can sound to the other side when presenting our arguments.

Mommy Wars: Yeah, Quit Shaming Smartphone Moms at the Playground

phone playground

Yes! All of this!

I’m screaming, AMEN! to guest blogger Nikki over at IAmNotTheBabysitter.com who recently blogged about the part of the Mommy Wars where other mothers shame those ladies who are engrossed in their smartphones while their kids play at the playground.

I mean, I get it. We should be engaged with our kids at all time. Or at least, we maybe should make sure they are safely playing and/or not being bullied or being the slide or see-saw bully. Yes. Yes to all of that, but still, there is so much judgment thrown around with regards to different people’s parenting styles.

There is no right or way to parent. Well, actually, there are a lot of people doing it wrong and we see them or their offpsrings in the nightly news. But besides those guys, parenting styles differ and that is okay.

In 2007, I blogged in my first blog, Mschiefmakers, about the difference between a park in a less pretentious area I once visited with my children compared to the middle to upper middle class park in my neighborhood park:

Took the boys to the local play park by my mom’s this afternoon. I noticed how less pretentious the moms were there as half of them were on their cell phones, reading books and having conversations with one another as their kids slid down the slides, pumped their tiny legs on the swings and wiggled and jiggled on the see saws.

In my stodgy, easily more conservative and cautious neighborhood, it was a no-no to be on the phone while at the park with the kids. You’d get these disapproving stares. I’m all for family values and undivided attention and all that, but sometimes you just got to take that call from a client. As a small business owner, I don’t really have the room to lose the few clients I have. I offer them the extra care and attention as a selling point separating me from the big dogs and unfortunately that means interrupted “mommy and me” times with the kids. I sure do feel guilty, but so is the sacrifice for being on my own.

Having had this experience, I could certainly relate to Nikki’s post which you can read in its entirety, HERE!

Mommy Wars: How the Start-Up mom has it THE HARDEST

“Many mothers find it difficult to raise a family and try to run a business because both the children and the business take a lot of time all by themselves,” an article on the Top 3 Reasons Mothers don’t Start Up in ParentStartup.com states. Another New York Times piece and another  recent article talked about how Venture Capitalist discriminate against mothers. 
From that NYT piece:

“[M]uch of the investment world, heavily dominated by men, remains skeptical about a woman’s ability to combine running a fast-growing tech start-up and motherhood, Ms. Gugnani says. She raised $3 million from investors before becoming pregnant. 

“All of the women I know who went to raise money did it when they didn’t have kids,” she says. “There is total discrimination in the start-up world against women who are pregnant.”

Making pregnancy and motherhood a focal point of the investment process is an outdated way of thinking, she adds.

Female entrepreneurs are less numerous and raise less money than their male counterparts. Women make up 10 percent of the founders at high-growth tech companies, “and they raise 70 percent less money than men do because of their lack of access to capital,” says Lesa Mitchell of the Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation, where she is vice president for initiatives on advancing innovation.”

And so, the “Start-up mom” joins the Mommy Wars.


The mommy wars is an ongoing battle between mothers disputing and discussing which child rearing method is best: Sleep in Room v Nursery; Bottle-feeding v. Breastfeeding; Baby wearing v. Carrier; Sling v. Bjorn; Cry It Out v. Not; Heavily Scheduled baby v. Let baby control sleep and eating. 

Moms are opinionated and each one believes her method or solution is tops. Of course, to each its own but that doesn’t stop those who have hard-fast thoughts on one thing from speaking up and trying to convince others this. They will not be silenced. They may bully others into their perspective.

Another mommy battle is the battle between Stay-at-Home (SAHM) versus Work-at-home (WAHM) versus Working Moms. Working moms often feel SAHM guilt trip them over spending less time with their children. Meanwhile, SAHMs say they feel belittled by Working Moms who assume they do nothing all day but eat bonbons while their kids are at school. Working Moms say SAHMs are privileged enough to not have to work yet judge those harshly who do. Work-at-home moms say they have the best and worst of each scenario.

Now that the Start Up mom has been brought into the picture, as a work-at home Start up mom, I proffer that the Start-up or Entrepreneurial mom has it THE HARDEST. 
While start up moms do have the luxury of being able to chaperon school field trips, attend school meetings and take our kids to the library as I do daily, they also have the challenge of having to clean the home, provide meals, and be a homemaker all while not bringing income but expected to.
Unlike the SAHM who is not expected to bring in external income, the Start-up mom has to contribute to the family expenses.
Unlike the Working Mom or Work-at-home who is working for a company and at least bringing in guaranteed income, the Start-up mom works for no one and has to go out and generate income from independent sources. 
The Start-Up Mom has to bring home the bacon by working 50 hour weeks trying to build a company that makes little to no money that may never be successful enough to generate income or funding. 
And she has a tough haul raising money to fund her venture, considering that recent Business Insider story revealing how the VC industry discriminates against mothers. 
It’s a hard uphill battle to bear along with the other family responsibility on our backs. 
Yeah, we have it the hardest! 
What do you think?

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