So a lot of people have heard of the “mommy wars.” You know, they are the various philosophical battles women who are parents have with other women over which personal decision on pregnancy and child rearing is best.
You have the Breastfeeding moms versus formula feeders. The moms who make you feel guilty if you choose to send your baby off to the nursery after delivering versus keep the baby with you in your room and “Room in”.
There “Attachment parenting” versus “free-range parenting” and Cry-it-out sleep method of getting a baby to put themselves to sleep versus the cry interventionist method.
There are those moms (like I was) who looked down on women who used baby carriers versus wear slings which I think are better for a baby’s spine. Helicopter parents battle Montessori like parents. Work-at-home tackle Stay-At-Home who take on Working moms.
And so on and so on….
But even as moms battle amongst themselves, they are united in dealing with critics and pushback from the non-parents out there, many who are are resentful of parents for getting scores of child and child care tax breaks that non-parents cannot take, getting to call off from work for a variety of child-related causes, leaving non-parents to pick up the slack, and generally over the fact that society is centered around parents, and is most supportive of the needs of the parenting community.
In return, there are some parents, on the other hand, who feel non-parents have little empathy or patience for the sacrifices they make raising the next generation of humans.
They also feel there is a lack of understanding or willingness to take into consideration that our choices are different than there’s.
Equally, they are resentful of the “population controllers” who argue that the world is already overpopulated.
It’s easy to get caught up on our individual causes and beliefs and to lose sight of how sanctimonious, disconnected and generally, “douchey” we can sound to the other side when presenting our arguments.
Yes! All of this!
I’m screaming, AMEN! to guest blogger Nikki over at IAmNotTheBabysitter.com who recently blogged about the part of the Mommy Wars where other mothers shame those ladies who are engrossed in their smartphones while their kids play at the playground.
I mean, I get it. We should be engaged with our kids at all time. Or at least, we maybe should make sure they are safely playing and/or not being bullied or being the slide or see-saw bully. Yes. Yes to all of that, but still, there is so much judgment thrown around with regards to different people’s parenting styles.
There is no right or way to parent. Well, actually, there are a lot of people doing it wrong and we see them or their offpsrings in the nightly news. But besides those guys, parenting styles differ and that is okay.
In 2007, I blogged in my first blog, Mschiefmakers, about the difference between a park in a less pretentious area I once visited with my children compared to the middle to upper middle class park in my neighborhood park:
Took the boys to the local play park by my mom’s this afternoon. I noticed how less pretentious the moms were there as half of them were on their cell phones, reading books and having conversations with one another as their kids slid down the slides, pumped their tiny legs on the swings and wiggled and jiggled on the see saws.
In my stodgy, easily more conservative and cautious neighborhood, it was a no-no to be on the phone while at the park with the kids. You’d get these disapproving stares. I’m all for family values and undivided attention and all that, but sometimes you just got to take that call from a client. As a small business owner, I don’t really have the room to lose the few clients I have. I offer them the extra care and attention as a selling point separating me from the big dogs and unfortunately that means interrupted “mommy and me” times with the kids. I sure do feel guilty, but so is the sacrifice for being on my own.
Having had this experience, I could certainly relate to Nikki’s post which you can read in its entirety, HERE