I had the fortunate privilege of attending the US Open
Finals this year (and last) riding the coat tails of one of my friends who is
an avid tennis fan and who secures plum tickets each year.
After this year’s tournament, I was having an online conversation with
friends, and one pal mentioned how she will be taking her daughter there
regularly, taking note at how friendly everyone was there.
I agreed. If you were
to guage by all the anti-rich sentiments that circulate in progressive political
circles, you’d think wealthy people were the worst type of people on earth.
But those attending the US Open were/ are usually overwhelmingly
affluent and with sponsors like Rolex, Mercedes Benz, and Ralph Lauren‘s Polo it’s no wonder
as those brands have studied and know the demographic.
The online exchange reminded me of the time I realized that
I sometimes prefer meeting new rich friends than middle class and upper middle class
ones.
I know it sounds
shallow but if you think about it, rich people are stereotyped to be snooty,
snobby and perceived to always be looking down on others.
Those in the lower and middle socioeconomic class are thought
by many to be more compassionate and caring for their fellow man.
My experience has in at least one social experience was the opposite.
After I had my first child in 2002, I was working at an
international law firm at the time and was blessed to have had 6 months paid maternity
leave – virtually unheard of in the US.
I had loads of time on my hands. Back then, the national play
and learn centers
Gymboree gave away one free visit for each location.
So each week, I would schedule first time visits and would pack
up my newborn and go visit all the
Gymboree centers around the DC Metropolitan area to see which one was the best
fit. There were about 4 or 5 of them.
At each center, my baby boy and I would be joining an
already existing class session or one that had just started. We would have to reach out to friend other
parents and babies there. Each session
started with a few minutes of free unstructured play, then parents got a chance to formally introduce
themselves and their baby during the formal circle play time. After it, we’d
have a few moments of free play again during the hour to 2 hour play sessions. This is when you’d schedule play dates outside
of class or just try to make new friends, generally.
I immediately noticed a pattern.
At the centers that were located in middle to upper middle
class neighborhoods , I found the moms (and dads sometimes) weren’t too open
and friendly. They would look at me and turn their heads and not necessarily
respond to my friendly hand or smile to connect. They’d stick to chatting with
the friends they already knew. Bummer.
Only during the formal circle times, if we were asked to
share where we worked or what we did for a living, I discovered that once some
of these parents learned I was an attorney and then working at a major law
firm, that only then would they start speaking and would gravitate over to me
and my baby. Curious.
That was not the case in the super affluent areas, at the centers
where every SUV parked out front was of some supreme luxury brand. My experience was that the moms were generous
and open and welcoming from the beginning. I didn’t get a feeling of judgment
or sizing up to determine if I was worthy of getting to know better.
I figured it out quickly.
They simply could afford to be friendly. Many of the moms
were married to very rich men and therefore, in some respects, had reached the pinnacle
of financial success anyway and therefore were done their social climbing. They
didn’t need to feel that adding you as a friend would be adding a new person to
compete with.
They also no longer had to only socialize with those who were
worthy of being in the same circle or could be an asset or connection to the
next rung in the socio economic ladder they were clawing ferociously to the top to summit.
Further, if race was a factor, they, more likely, had
wealthy friends of various races and therefore did not assume that a black
woman, for example wouldn’t have access
to a network they could tap into and therefore not worth getting to know more.
Certainly, these are broad generalizations and do not apply
to all wealthy or all middle class people as I
know the opposite can be said from members of each class.
Just in my casual observation and experience the social
climbers are more likely to have tight cliques and circles and are not keen on letting
new friends penetrate through.
Like one of my favorite rappers, Drake, sings, “No new
friends.”
