Pregnancy Haiku

While combing through the Blog’s 6 year archives, I discovered some pretty creative short posts and thought I would share the best 5 here, my Bellyitch Blog Haiku.

poor soon-to-be-middle child.
He insists on sitting on my rapidly vanishing lap. That is his favorite spot for reading a book or coloring while I’m on the computer.
UNFORTUNATELY, LITTLE MUNCHKIN, there is little room on there as Baby#3 grows and grows.
He slips off. He wiggles his little bum BACK BACK to try to squeeze back on…
He slides…He slips.
I have to put him on his own chair to sit on his own bottom.
Mommy’s lap is “Out of Order” for 3 months, I tell him. Come Back in February.
ode to Garlic

Garlic. Oh Garlic. How do I hate your scent? Let me count the ways.
Pungent. Offensive. You make me want to barf. You waif through the air
Attach to my clothes, my skin. No amount of spearmint, peppermint or vanilla mint toothpaste of mouthwash can banish your aroma…
you stank.
so it’s bad enough I’m already clumsy and a bit on the less than graceful side…throw in a bout of pregnancy-induced klutziness and look out world!
sometimes I feel there is a practical joke- busting ghost or spirit walking around just knocking stuff out of my hands for fun.
why else would I drop the entire bowl of cookie dough my son and I were going to bake on Monday or spill a half a cup of coffee on my lap while dropping off my other son yesterday for no apparent reason…really, I keep dropping stuff left and right. Is my equilibrium off or something? Do I need glasses?
geez! I’m feeling quite Steve Urkel these days that’s for sure.
sleep v. the bladder

this time around, i’m not letting my bladder win
even with a gallon of pee resting on my groins, I refuse to get up and interrupt those lovely and vivid dreams pregnant women get
so i get up once a night and not 3 x as with the boys’ pregnancy…i’m gonna ask my doc if I am destroying my bladder doing this and setting myself up for incontinence in the future!
i suppose the first time i wake up in small puddle that would put an end to my stubborn battle…
tee hee….
someone needs a facial
i think of the intro to hip hop star Kelis’ song “Bossy” which starts with “diamonds on my neck, diamonds on my grill…” I LOVE KELIS! (video HERE
but in my version it goes, “I got pimples on my neck…pimples cause this girl…pimples on my neck…”
HAHAHA! i’ve counted 5 pimples on my neck and 4 on my chin in the LAST TWO DAYS! wHAT DA??? I am blessed with pretty good skin so these things set a sister back a bit…I’ve been mudmasking it for two days, but I think i need professional intervention….

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