Becoming pregnant can be a momentous occasion that new first time parents-to-be want to share with the entire world. However, there are many parents who have experienced miscarriage and pregnancy loss and have heard horror stories about people’s reactions to various aspects of a woman’s pregnancy when shared with well-meaning friends, family and colleagues.
As a result, some moms- and dads-to-be are cautious about sharing pregnancy and baby related news. When a woman is pregnant, she is particularly vulnerable and sensitive and frankly may not care or need to hear the various opinionated comments that will be hurled at her from all angles. One way to avoid comment, criticism and critique over a choice is to not tell anyone certain information.
1. That you are pregnant: Once the baby’s heartbeat can be seen AND heard, usually by the third month of a pregnancy, the likelihood that will be a viable pregnancy and that fetus growing to term increases exponentially. That is why most parents wait until after the third month to announce to friends. Many parents who do not know this rule make the mistake of announcing too soon and in the unfortunate case they miscarry are then left with the burden of having to tell dozens of people over and over again when they ask that they lost the baby. Therefore, the best rule is to not tell anyone, even the grandparents about the early pregnancy stages if you can help it. Yesterday, I was over a friend’s house and her mom inadvertently kept going on and on about her daughter being sick, not being able to eat shrimp or keep food down. Clearly, she was trying to let us know her daughter is pregnant and I’m certain this woman’s daughter does NOT want us to be among the first to know she and her husband are pregnant. France’s president Nicolas Sarkozy’s dad was the first to confirm accidentally that his daughter-in-law was pregnant before the couple wanted all to know.
2. The name of the baby: Often times, people have strong reactions favorable or unfavorable when you tell them the name you’ve selected for your soon-to-be-born child. Some people will try to talk you out of it or go on and on questioning why you chose that name. It can be annoying. To avoid this, simply don’t share the name. No one is entitled to know your name, not even close family members. Simply say we’re keeping the name private for now. Some will continue to prod. Most people, however, will get it and back off.
3. The gender: Well this may only apply if you are a celebrity and wanting to keep the gender a surprise for your spouse, other family or the public. Think Kelly Rowland to Beyonce’s baby gender news this weekend. Some parents who have two or more children of one gender may be better off just telling people it will be a surprise instead of revealing they’re going to be having yet another child of that same gender. Saves them all the pity looks and questions if they’re going to keep trying. At that point, they’re probably busy preparing for the arrival of the baby being gestated at the time.